What to say?? My 25th Christmas “caged”. I haven’t sent out any holiday cards since the death of my son. I can’t. I do phone my daughter on all the holidays. I smile on the holidays. The smile does not mean alot since it is only of the face, and not the heart these days. I don’t know if my heart can smile anymore. I will keep trying though.

If I could make it so that every child has a great Christmas, I would – even if it meant I would have to burn in hell.

I never feared much, now, I fear nothing. They have done all they can to punish me; now I just sit warehoused.

Earlier today, I got ahold of a “pear”. I haven’t seen a pear in years. I held it… studied it… it’s colors and smells… then I ate it… slowly. What pleasure, imagine, something as simple as a pear bringing pleasure. Maybe I should have learned this earlier in life, simple pleasures, maybe I would’nt be where I am today.

I wish the people in Washington, the elected officials, would start moving on these “prison-reform” bills. I wish this because each year, more and more of us are dying while warehoused. Being warehoused can make one very tired. I am getting tired.

I remember a while back when they used to bus us from one facility to another (now they fly you, sometimes). 16-18 hour rides on a bus, chained to another person, a stranger. Each day stopping at some county jail. They would wake us up at 4am, chain us, and load us up for another 16 hour ride to another hell hole. Imagine doing this for 10-14 days, well I did do it. A trip from Miami to New York took 2 weeks. The bus would stop everywhere picking up and dropping off inmates along the way. I took another 4 month trip from Lewisburg in Pa. to L.A. County jail. They say it was by mistake. On these trips you would get tired, dog tired, all the way to the bone tired. One way to get a rest was to get into a squrmish, a fight of sorts. They would then throw you in the “hole” till the next bus came.

I wanted to weep one day, you see, I was so tired and weak that I had to hit my friend just to get a rest. I learned that day to not hit in the head, just the torso. I have passed this on to many a convict. You get the rest you need and don’t really have to hurt anyone in the process.

I am sorry this is all I have this holiday season. Christmas, it is supposed to be joyous-it’s the day our Lord was born.

I wish I could “pen” warmth, I can’t.

I wish I could weep like before, I can’t.

I wish I could stop the pain and suffering of the world, I can’t.

I wish I could send a Christmas card, I can’t.

I know the part of loneliness I wish I never knew. I wish and wonder if I’ll ever be a funny person as before… I will try, but, I don’t know if I can…

MERRY CHRISTMAS,

George

This entry was posted on Monday, December 24th, 2007 at 4:08 pm and is filed under Christmas Wishes, George Martorano, Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, White House, cage, emotional, family, federal prison, holiday. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.