My brother-in-law and younger sister will visit later in the day. They are good loved ones.They wish for me not to be without family today as they know this is a hard day.

Upon waking this morning with this sadness of death, I decided to go out in the yard and run. I ran nine miles. I did that to “smoke” myself hoping it would help me relax the rest of the day. It seems like it did not work. My heart is heavy… heavy with sadness. I guess this sadness will be hard to understand as, until one has experienced that sadness from were I stand today… in the gray gallows of pain.