Render The Thirst (Act V)

SCENE: It is the underground, sewer lair; the hot tub is still there. There is only Al [Frankenstein ] and he is busy at something. Oh wait! Al is piling….Gold Bars….Then V.O. of Frankie [the Released Prisoner ]….He’s entering stage, wearing a wig and a fake beard….Also, he is pushing ahead of him a woman in a fur coat and by the looks of things wearing pajamas underneath and furry slippers….Also! She has a hood over her head….Now ! We see Frankie has a gun to her back….Clearly, she’s held captive….Before the hood is removed from her….Al covers up the gold.

AL: “….You got her.”

CAPTIVE WOMAN: [hears] “….Who’s that?!”

FRANKIE: [Yanks off her hood ,she’s blonde ,very attractive ] “….Shut up, that’s Al!”

CAPTIVE WOMAN: “Who the hell is he? Oh, let me guess, Fred Munster.” [laughs]

FRANKIE: [Points gun at her] “I said shut up!” [ yanks off wig and beard ]

CAPTIVE WOMAN: “Oh, a dressed up kidnapper and a guy in a costume. Don’t tell me, lets see I’ve been kidnapped by a circus act.”

FRANKIE: “A circus act. I’ll show you a circus act!”

SCENE: Frankie in anger, steps past her and shoots Al three times. S.O. Bang! Bang! Bang! The captive woman screams….
But, Al’s fine, not hurt a bit. She quickly looks from one to the other…. realizing some thing really wrong here….

CAPTIVE WOMAN: “….Blanks?”

FRANKIE: “Hell no.” [shoots into the hot tub, water jumps]

CAPTIVE WOMAN: “Then, then….?”

FRANKIE: “That’s right lawyer lady, Marcia Paul. He’s the real deal. A certified monster all the way babe, all.. the.. way.”

MARCIA: “Then, what do you want with me? I am a lawyer not a doctor, not a plastic surgeon for that matter. I mean….” [ she steps a little closer ,observing Al’s face ]

AL: [Cuts her off] “Doris will explain.”

MARCIA: “Doris, who’s Doris?”

AL: “She kinda runs things.”

MARCIA: “She does? Again, but what do you want with me? Money, ransom? You know me from the papers, TV, is that it? You think I’m rich or something. I give allot to charity .I mean big big I give and give so there isn’t much ,and and …. ”

FRANKIE: “No no. Can it, will ya . Like Al says, Doris will explain.”

AL: “Yeah, Doris will, she she….”

SCENE: V.O. Of Doris talking to herself….She’s upset about her clothes or something….Enters [ the lovely, super strength monster ] Doris….She’s carrying dry cleaning and a hat box.

DORIS: [Sees Marcia] “Oh good, you have retrieved the lawyer. Now things can move along. Hello Marcia Paul.” [Doris puts down what she’s carrying]

MARCIA: “They told me you will explain things. I mean this guy shot this one and and nothing! Nothing, not even blood or a hurt face, nothing.”

DORIS: “Playing games again Frankie.”

FRANKIE: “Ah, ah just wanted to shut her up.”

AL: “Shoot yourself next time. You human little little sh , sh….”

DORIS: “Shut up both of you, that’s enough, don’t start you two, hear me? Don’t start!”

DORIS: Continues, [addresses Marcia] “Well, it’s like this, I need your counseling for several things, important things.”

MARCIA: “….Things?”

DORIS: “Yes, things and don’t interrupt or you’ll end up like that dry cleaner fellow.”

MARCIA: “….Dry cleaner?”

DORIS: “Yes, that fool ruined one of my expensive dresses, then got smart with me. Trouble was, there was just him and I.”

AL: “….Oh boy.”

DORIS: [Stares hard at AL] “Yes, so I had to put him in his place.”

SCENE: Doris steps to the hat box, opens it….Pulls out a severed head….

DORIS: “Meet the drycleaner.” [and tosses the head, high, right up center aisle of the theater….it rolls]

SCENE: Marcia walks a bit starts to wobble, starts to faint….Al hurries up to catch her, he does, she’s in his huge arms. Then, Marcia’s takes a good look at Al…. Screams!… Jumps up recovering fast….

MARCIA: “You’re all nuts! Let me go! Let me go!”

SCENE: Marcia starts running around the stage. But, she does not know how to get out of there,’ thee ‘ underground lair….Doris, Al and Frankie just watch….Then, Doris goes over to the covered pile of gold bars, removes the cover….Marcia, hurrying by….Stops dead….And stares at the gold.

MARCIA: “….For my services?”

SCENE: Doris Al and Frankie all shake their heads, yes, in unison.

MARCIA: “This, this whole pile, mine?!”

SCENE: Doris, Al and Frankie all, again, shake their heads in unison.

Marcia: …”well “.

Doris: Well what ?”

SCENE:Well, Marcia begins to sing …. Doris, Al and Frankie line up behind her as back-up singers….And oh,, fingers snap, the 3 back-up singers move as one in back-up dance-moves….

“Well, I’m the international lawyer that’s me
Taking care of things here and a far you see
Just little old me, best in the land, Courtroom, bedroom, smart in the head
Just pay me in gold, jewels or bread

“Forget your legal troubles ,put them to bed
I’m the international lawyer, oh, for heaven’s sake
Send the limo, call from the jet, here or in Paris
I’m your best bet
Just pay me in gold, jewels or bread

“And when I say bread , I don’t mean to eat
No, spread the crash, do I have to repeat
I’m the international lawyer Best in the land
Pay in in gold ,pile it high
Then watch all your legal troubles ,go….
,….by -by -by, go by- by -by ” [ continue, repeat first verse, then song ends ]

MARCIA: “Does anyone have a paper and pad?”

AL: “Yes, yes.” [quickly goes and retrieves, paper and pad, brings to Marcia]

MARCIA:[holding pad and pen at the ready] “Okay, first order of business.”

DORIS: “Well let’s see, a wedding.” [Marcia nods yes, writing] “Then passports for Frankie and I, he’s wanted. Oh and Al he can be shipped in a crate.”

AL: “….A crate?!”

DORIS: “Yes, a big box or do you want to stay here while Frankie and I are in Europe. I do long for the old country.”

MARCIA: [Stops writing] “Ah, how long will I be your attorney. I mean, is there more of this?” [She points to the gold]

DORIS: “Rooms of it, here and abroad.”

MARCIA: “Good, Like I said I’m an international lawyer, work on any continent. Let’s see, the wedding now. I take it it’s you and him.” [Points to Frankie]

DORIS: “Of course.” [Points to Al] “He’s my, how can I say, he’s just him, the forever him. Anyway, the wedding will need guests. We know some, “Things”, here and about. That would love to come.” [Laughs]

MARCIA: “Things, yes aren’t we.” [laughs too]

SCENE: Al and Frankie chime in laughing, now all four roar with laughter….Music strikes up….and the four line up and begin dancing. Also, those two, sexy female rodents join dancing line….As the, now six, dance…..Then, Doris, steps forward, begins to sing….

“Monsters and men, bikinis in the sea
I’m the lady from Transylvania
Rich, deadly and will always be

“To leaders, Presidents, Kings and more
Yes, they love me forever, cant get their fill
Talk for days, whispers at night
Moonlight and kisses, what a life

“I’m the lady from Transylvania
My creator made me
He held my hand, ask me to dance
I kill, I did, the very first chance

“Monsters and men, bikinis in the sea
Mountains and lakes, the city square
Church bells do toll, the coming you see

“Came me, beauty of I
My, my, my to dine and dance
Rooms of riches, do not dare take it
Or its’ off with your head
Such a sorry state

“I’m the lady from Transylvania
Rich, deadly and will always be
For Monsters and men, bikinis in the sea
And yes, the world always, always have me”

SCENE: Song ends…. Doris goes and yanks Frankie from the back-up group…. Gives him a kiss…. Frankie (happy) pulls out his gun, shoots in the air!! A huge snake falls from some where above !The sexy rodents scream ! Run !….Get the hell out of there !…. Exiting stage….. And, Marcia goes by her gold bars, picks up path and pen, begins adding things up …. Yet, poor Al goes and sits, hooks both sides of his neck to the electros [some sparks fly ] ….While, Doris begins whispering sweet-nothings in Frankie’s ear ….

[to be continued]

By: George Martorano
copyright: 12973